Brought From The Brink Of Suicide

Fasting Testimony By Koni

“As the fast progressed an amazing thing began to happen. I began to feel, yes feel God’s presence again for the first time in years, soothing and healing.”

Once, as a child I heard the call of the Lord and enrolled in bible college in my mid teens. But after my first year E. P. B. C. I became enamored by a handsome young man, and dropped out of bible college to chase after a romantic dream that led me far away from God. The dream ended in a broken marriage, a lovely five year old daughter killed by a careless driver and a car accident which killed my brother on my birthday. Hurting, alone and far from God, who had once been my source of strength, I felt hopeless. The climax was 1991, at the end of my endurance, crying from a wasted life and what might have been, I attempted to drive my car off a harbor. I just wanted the pain to end.

What happened in my moment of desperation was almost indescribable. There was a distant voice telling me suicide was not the answer. I found myself in a shipping plaza at 2 A.M. with no recollection of driving there. I started praying for the first time in years. "God, oh God" I cried. "It's you isn't it?" I heard no more even though I begged him to communicate further.

I remembered hearing that one can get closer to God through fasting and prayer. I now longed to hear that voice and feel that presence again. The longing to hear God was greater than anything I have ever felt for a man. Taking an apartment across the street from the shopping plaza I began ten day water fast. Locked in the apartment without phone, TV or friends, I prayed and sought God night and day.

As the fast progressed an amazing thing began to happen. For the first time in years I started to feel, yes feel God’s presence again, soothing and healing. And then again that distant voice, but closer this time, calling me back to vision and purpose. I knew he wanted me back in ministry. I was still wanted by God. I was still useful. "Work with the oppressed and downtrodden." "But" I argued "You have the wrong person! I am all that myself. How can I help others? Besides I'm dirty."

I was putting away things in the new apartment and had just picked up a frying pan cover in years of blackened burned grease. It was a pan I had all through the years of a broken marriage. The spirit said, "Look at the pan in your hand. See how black and filthy it is? If you can clean up that pan I can clean you up to do my work." Under the sink was half an SOS pad left by the previous occupant. Skeptically, I gave it a few passes over the bottom of the blackened pan. To my amazement the chard grease gave way revealing shinny newness, just as it was twenty years earlier. The astonishment turned to joy as the cleansing began happening not only to the pot but within me. I could feel it as clearly as a fresh breeze on my face. I knew God had done the impossible as I scoured my old frying pan into newness again. I began to dance, laughing, singing, tears of joy streamed from my eyes. I was now convinced that, in Christ I was as worthy as anyone to do whatever task He had in store.

Throughout the rest of the fast, I continued to feel incredibly close to God, penning poetry and song, obtaining instruction from the beautiful soft voice which remained always near. When the fast was over I was ready, and started His work.

Related Article: Deeper Relationship With God

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I am day 2 in my fast, pray for me. My 14 year old son committed suicide, my father committed suicide 8 years ago, I lost a good business and the "will to live or even try" is gone. I need a real miracle that last's.
Beautiful testimony! Very encouraging & God bless you! :)
incredible story.
Your frying pan
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